What Orange Room emotions pre-empt behavior?

“There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.” The line sung by the rock group Divinyls highlights how emotion is all about transition – amplification, sustainment or abatement. “Feelings of pain or pleasure or some quality in between are the bedrocks of our minds” (Damasio). Orange Room is the place where our early warning signs let us know whether all is well or not well when it comes to behavior in homes. It is the barometer of feelings as well as the throttle and brakes. When we feel uncomfortable in the Orange Room, a planned change of state enables us to remain in control whereas impulsive changes of state can generate trouble. Impulsive behavior is a little like fighting a war; it’s high risk; no one is certain of the outcome; conflict can easily escalate and the consequences can be dire. Table (1) highlights some opposite Orange Room emotions, feelings and states. Those on the pleasure-based side of the table represent conditions most conducive to a healthy and happy home life while those on the pain-based side represent conditions least conducive to a healthy and happy school life.

From a teaching perspective, when the emotional flavor of your classroom leans toward the pleasure-based continuum, there are little if any behavior issues, and school life is comforting and secure. However, a single incident can tip the scale toward the pain-based side of the continuum and such an incident typically draws the attention of the teacher and the inevitable threats or behavior management begins. Our instincts predispose us to deal with the behavior in order to maintain a pleasurebased classroom environment. However, there is nothing pleasurable about using threats and coercion to establish such an environment. Threats and pain are poor ways to inspire growth and change in children.

What incidents are likely to tip the scales from pleasure to pain?

The answer to that question is, “It depends.” All teachers have their values and beliefs. They form the basis of our Emotionally Powerful Concepts. When our kids over-step the line, we naturally feel pain-based emotions and typically take action to redress the situation so we can feel comfortable again. Many teachers try to change the behavior of their students rather than consider the underlying issue behind the behavior. In other words, we want the offending behavior to stop, with a minimum amount of teacher intervention – thus we tend to quickly escalate from asking, to telling to threatening. Table (2) lists a small selection of unpleasant incidents from kids that may generate painbased emotions in teachers. Which ones annoy you? Which ones are missing from these lists? What pain-based emotions do they incite, in you? What are your typical responses? How well do those responses work?

The point of this exercise is to highlight the enormous range of incidents that can spark conflict between teachers and students. Teachers must be on top of these incidents and deal with them in ways that lessen rather than escalate the situation.

The point of this exercise is to highlight the enormous range of incidents that can spark conflict between teachers  and students. Teachers must be on top of these incidents and deal with them in ways that lessen rather than escalate the situation.

Why does some behavior generate a pain-based emotional response while others do not?

Our arousal systems link the incoming with the existing in the Mixing Room – the combination of thoughts, emotions and feelings. Once a stimulus has strong emotion attached, subsequent exposure to the stimulus prompts the reconstruction of the associated existing emotion. By way of example: some teachers have a pain-based response to a student swearing (I’m one of those!). Such a response is learned, probably from the teacher’s own childhood where their parents viewed swearing as disrespectful. Therefore, when the teacher hears a student swearing, the stimulus (swearing) creates a mental image, replete with emotion (probably displeasure or disgust) and the teacher attempts to modify the world (say, seek an apology) to shift his or her emotions away from the pain-based state.

Most kids comply with this reasonable request and quickly learn the boundaries of what is right and what is wrong within their classrooms; it’s no big deal. However, for the child who wants to escalate the issue, swearing becomes a source of great power. By continually swearing, the child can now send the teacher into a state of frustration or anger. While some teachers have no issue with students swearing and some even appear to find it quite humorous, I’ve witnessed teachers screaming at their kids or taking a heavy hand to them over such matters. Is it worth it? To the teacher involved, probably yes. To the observer, probably not. There are better ways to handle the situation.

Our own experiences impose an interpretive landscape on the present and future.

Why do kids sometimes behave so poorly at school and so well at home – and vice-versa?

Society sets limits on behavior and imposes sanctions on those who refuse to comply. That is, of course, only if you are caught. Therefore, from the perspective of some young people, you only break the rules when nobody is watching. That sounds a little harsh but for some youngsters, it is the reality. No one is born with a set of defining behavior codes. We learn from our experiences and from the feedback from significant others, in particular, parents and teachers. Kids need a forum for learning about appropriate behavior and, like it or not, families and schools provide the forum. “Getting away with it,” is all part of the learning experience. At school, teachers have a different power base than parents at home. We use different sanctions and rarely “lose it” when compared to what happens with our own kids in our own homes. Students seem to intuitively know this, so pushing the envelope at school has fewer sanctions and weaker consequences than pushing the envelope at home. Besides, for some students, respect for teachers is rather low so they take delight in pushing teachers into pain-based states.

All kids behave in ways that annoy their parents at times. But not all kids behave in ways that annoy their teachers. Clearly, most young people know how to alter their behavior to suit the social situation they move into.

When it comes to behavior, parents draw the line in the sand and apply sanctions and consequences. Sometimes the sanctions are overly harsh, especially when kids push their parents into states of frustration or anger. At other times, parents are probably tolerant of behavior that would draw sanctions in wider society, especially in schools.

In classrooms, we need guiding principles. And we need some sanctions, including consequences to demonstrate where the limits of reasonable behavior extend and where it is not okay to go. We need replays and restitution when the boundaries are broken. And if we are really serious, the sanctions should apply equally to everyone within the classroom, including the adults. Yes, that means if it is not okay for kids to treat adults disrespectfully, the converse also stands.

But most of all, in classrooms, we need compassion and forgiveness. Children are not mini-adults with brains that think as adults think – they are kids. They learn from their mistakes and from how the adult world handles its own mistakes. What messages do you want your students to learn, from you?

Essentially the way that teachers deal with behavior issues is a statement about quality and values with steps such as sanctions and explanations to provide guidance to children.

The least I need to know

Some classrooms, albeit a few, are like war trenches where teachers and their kids take aim in battle. However, in this battle, kids must lose. Ultimately, they disqualify themselves from classrooms, and with that disqualification, their future looks increasingly bleak and they contribute to creating pain-based school environments. Parents are the first and most significant teachers when it comes to showing children how to behave and where to draw the limits. Teachers are the second strong influence. There exist countless opportunities for practice. The way we handle our emotional crisis, when the chips are down, will leave an indelible mark on the students we teach.

By John Joseph

John Joseph has an inspiring story to tell. He left school at the age of 14 to undertake an apprenticeship as a solid plasterer. After 11 years of contributing to the family business, he resumed his formal education, graduating with a Master’s degree in Mathematics and Science Education. 

John taught across all year levels before working in teacher education at the University of South Austrailia. In 1998, he formed his own company, Focus Education Austrailia, and has enjoyed phenomenal success as a presenter, writer and coach. In just nine years John has worked with over 350,000 delegates across 16 countries. He has published six books, three CDRoms and over 100 articles. John’s website attracts over 1 million visitors annually. 

Today, John is affectionately known as the Brain Man. He facilitates workshops each year for about 12,000 school students and speaks at national and international conferences for educators, parents and the corporate world. John has featured in hundreds of newspaper articles for his work with kids, parents and teachers.